Survivor with the Fellowship
by timberwlf
Summary: The fellowship is on survivor.. duh
1. Default Chapter

Survivor with the Members of the Fellowship

*The author has no clue what she was thinking when she was typing this story.*

"Welcome to Survivor Mirkwood, I am your host, Armosis Whiteflower," said Armosis. "Welcome to a new version of Survivor! This time we have all nine members of the fellowship of the ring. Yes, we brought Boromir back to life. Now let me introduce me to the victims, or should I mean, future survivors. Ehhem. Frodo Baggins, let's start with you."

"Why am I doing this?" asked Frodo.

"We invited you and you will win GOLD. LOTS AND LOTS OF GOLD!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!" cackled Armosis flinging back her golden hair. All nine members of the fellowship stared at her quizzically. "Sorry. Now Frodo, we know the whole story and junk so let's cut to the chase. You get one item and one item only, what do you wish to have?"

Frodo looked as if he was going to wet his pants, Armosis scared him. Her eyes reminded him of Galadriel's when he was at the mirror. "Um, uh..,'

"Cut to the chase laddy boy!" shouted the giddy Boromir, he was happy to be alive.

"Why did they have to bring _him _back?" whispered Merry to Pippin.

"Awweee, little hobbits getting snuggly wuggly?" asked Boromir.

"Shut up or I will kill you this time," growled Gimli waving his axe. Sam stared at his hands, Gandalf kept rearranging his hat, and Legolas was brushing his hair.

"Well Frodo, your time is up," said Armosis.

"I guess I will take Sting, after all there are spiders here in these woods," sighed Frodo.

"Excellent choice, Mr. Frodo," said Sam.

"It's your turn, Samwise Gamgee. What do you wish to have?" said Armosis. "Oh for heaven's sake, Legolas, quit brushing your hair!!! No wonder everyone thinks elves are gay. You give us a bad rep!"

"_Sorry_," sneered Legolas as he put his brush in his bag. "Someone is PMSing." Armosis glared at him.

"Well," chuckled the amused Sam, "I shall bring my frying pan."

"Why? Oh never mind, your problem. Next, Peregrine a.k.a Pippin Took, what do you wish to bring?" asked Armosis.

"That's simple, me lucky carrot!" cried Pippin. Everyone busted out laughing. "Don't dis the carrot! It has magical powers!"

"Oh, whatever!" giggled Armosis. "Merriadoc Brandybuck, what are you to use?"

"My sword, well dagger oh course! I would like to see Pip fight off spiders with a carrot. Maybe he can make them play fetch," said Merry.

"Good one hawhaw!" shouted Boromir.

"I am glad we are all mature," sighed Armosis rolling her eyes. "Let's ask Gandalf what one thing he would like to have?"

"My staff of course, now please hurry up, I am getting tired of Boromir," said Gandalf.

"Alrrigthy then," said the host. "Aragorn, you?"

"My necklace my wife Arwen gave me, it gives me immortality," said Aragorn dreamily.

"Good one! And I don't want to know what you are thinking about," said Armosis. "Brormir, what are you to bring?"

"The horn of Gondor! Well, the pieces anyway, it is for good luck," boasted Boromir.

"It did a good job last time," sniggered Pippin.

"Okay let's hurry up, I have a meeting with my hair dresser in 30 minutes," moaned Armosis. "Gimli?

"My axe." he said stoutly.

"And oh I'm afraid, you Legolas?" winced Armosis.

"Why my bow and arrows of course. Why does everybody thin I'm gay? Just because I have good hygiene doesn't mean I'm gay. I mean look at Frodo, he's _always_ clean," complained Legolas.

"That is because he saved Middle Earth," said Armosis. "Now all of you go on your own separate ways. Meet me here first thing tomorrow morning for you first assignment. Good luck and watch out for spiders!"

The fellowship split off.


	2. CH2: The First Task

Ch 2: The First Task

At the crack of dawn the next morning, the fellowship came back to where they were the previous night. The hobbits were drowsy, not used to waking up this early; Boromir was still giddy, Legolas and Gimli were wide awake, and Aragorn looked as if he wanted to kill Boromir. Gandalf looked depressed.

"Good morning!" cried the cheery Armosis. "Are you all ready to take on the first task?"

"No," grumbled everyone, except Boromir, who said, "Why but of course! I am ready to beat all of you, you shall never vote me off... NEVER!"

Everyone then was officially freaked. "Ummm.. continuing," said Armosis carefully, "your first task is this. You have to climb up a tree and get that bushel of food. It contains lembas, carrots(Pippin's eyes lit up at this), apples, dried meats, and a canteen of water. The person who can get up the tree, get the basket, and successfully get down gets to eat it. The losers, have to eat boiled orc meat."

"EWWWWW!" moaned Sam and Merry together.

"But that's eating a species of elf!" said the shocked Legolas.

"That's treachery!" declared Gandalf.

"Carrots.....," said Pippin dreamily, he stopped listening after he heard carrot.

Gimli smiled smugly. Aragorn and Frodo looked at each other with horror.

"You just know that I shall beat you!" cried Boromir. "Tehehee! You have to eat orc flesh! Nahahahanaanaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"

"Oh do hush up!" cried Legolas jumping up and pointing an arrow to his throat.

"There is no need for violence," shrugged Frodo.

"He is right... for once," said Gimli slyly.

"What tree do we have to climb, Miss?" asked Sam.

"Finally, someone who has a brain!" exclaimed Armosis and she pointed to a tall, black tree covered with huge spider webs. There was a mist around the tree and it seemed to have a leering face, ready to eat you if you got too close. "That one!"

Everyone, even the boasting Boromir went pale. Armosis smiled and said, "Good luck. Oh and if you are killed or dragged off by the spiders, that is not our problem. I will be watching." Armosis walked off into the shadows.

"Who wants to go first?" asked Gimli. "Wait dumb question, go ahead Boromir."

Boromir triumphantly blew the horn of Gondo, raise his head high and whistled gaily as he marched to the tree.

"Haha," he thought to himself, "it's mine all mine. Those spooty spiders must be asleep or dead.'

He was now ant the base of the tree. He grabbed the lowest limb abd swung up. He turned around and waved to the others. Suddenly, Merry screamed a girlish scream. Boromir turned around and saw a gigantic spider with jaws dripping in drool (it was actually poison, but we know how bright Boromir is).

"AHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Boromir too screamed girlishly and tried poking the spider's eyes out with the horn as he jumped from the tree. Once he reached the ground, he ran like a bat out of Hell to the group.

"You... go... next... little hobbits," he panted, the passed out in Aragorn's arms.

"How about we all go together?" suggested Frodo. "then we could split the food up evenly, giving all the carrots to Pip of course."

"Good idea, Mr. Frodo," said Sam. "I got my pan!"

"Pip should be happy with that arrangement," said Pippin.

"Why are you refering yourself in third person?" asked Merry cautiously. "Actually, never mind please DON'T answer that."

The hobbits picked up there weapons, including the "magical" carrot.

They cautiously went to the base of the tree. Sam boosted Frodo up on a limb while Merry and Pippin were throwing rocks and stick on the opposite side, trying to distract the evil. This failed miserably though because Pippin kept calling to Frodo to throw him carrots. The spider found were Frodo was and there was a fight and a mad dash to the group.

"Who wants to go next?" asked Legolas. "I am not, there is no way to get past them. I have lived in this forest for a 1,000 years and know all about them."

"I am too short to reach a lib on the tree, so it is pointless for me. How about you Aragorn?" said Gimli.

"No, I'm on a diet actually," he said bluntly.

"And all of you think I'm gay?" asked Legolas.

"I guess that leaves me," said Gandalf as he stood up slowly. He took his staff and went to the tree. He raised up his staff and a pale blue gas came from its tip. The spider fell to the ground in ten seconds. Frodo then went up next to Gandalf and started to stab it psychotically. Gandalf then crawled up the tree and recovered the basket. He looked at Frodo with shock; he was covered with green ooze.

"Sorry," Frodo mumbled, "spiders give me the heebie-jeebies."

"That is quite alright," said Gandalf while thinking, "Dear havens, why am I even here with these freaks who think of nothing but of carrots and dieting?"

"Here, all the rest of you but Boromir, Aragorn, and I will split it. This is what I wish," he said laying down the basket.

"I don't trust it," grumbled Gimli, running his thumbe on the blade of his axe.

"Very thoughtful, but I only wish for a small piece of lembas," said Legolas, nibbling on a piece already.

Merry was kissing Gandalf's feet. "Oh thank you kind wizard!"

"Please stop that, I have no idea where your mouth has been," sighed Gandalf, kicking Merry in the jaw. Pippin was hoarding the carrots. Sam and Frodo were splitting up the food evenly.

"I'm back!" cried Armosis coming from the shadows, "Anyone miss me?"

"Do we _have_ to answer that?" mumbled Boromir, he was becoming conscious again.

"Anyways... moving on. Since the producers and I cannot stand most of you, we are going to allow you to vote off two bodies," said Armosis rolling here eyes. She then handed each of them parchment and a pen. "Write two names and then come up to me one of the time explaining why you want them gone. Begin."

The first one done was Pippin, "Miss, I want Boromir gone 'cuz he has always scared me and threatened to beat me and Gandalf. His pointy hat is also very scary." "ooookaaaayy," thought Armosis as he walked off. Then came Boromir.

"I wish to vote off Aragorn and Legolas. One they are both fruity and two, Aragorn took Frodo away from me once and he shall never do so again!"

Then came Aragorn. "Gimli and Boromir. Too weird and annoying."

Then Frodo, "Boromir and Gimli. Boromir is tried to crawl into my sleep sack last night and Gimli is too cruel. His beard is also so long and bushy.. gives me scary thoughts.'

Gimli: "Boromir and Gandalf. Too freaky and they try to stroke my beard."

Legolas: "Merry and Boromir. Boromir I have always despised. He was the first one who accused I was gay and Merry snores. How am I supposed to get any sleep?"

Sam: "Boromir and Gandalf. Jus' because."

Pippin: "Gandalf and Boromir. Gandalf has pointy hat and Boromir tried to shove a carrot up my butt."

Merry: "Boromir and Pippin. Boromir harasses me and Pippin stole all of the carrots."

Gandalf: "Boromir and myself. Boromir screwed up the fellowship the first time, and I cannot stand being here with these fruitcakes."

"Very interesting," said Armosis, still trying to recover from all of the freakish reasons. "Boromir and Gandalf GET OUT OF MIRKWOOD!"

"Yes!!!!!!!" screamed Gandalf and he danced out into the shadows.

"NOOOOOO!!!!!" screamed Boromir, being dragged away by security, who were being beaten with the horn.

"Hey, it's just like the first time, Gandalf and Boromir are gone," remarked Aragorn stroking his beard.

"Well, you have the rest of the day to try to survive until tomorrow at dawn. Have fun and avoid the spiders!" waved Armosis as she walked off again.

"Free at last!" cried Gimli, "Stupid broad."

"Wait a minute don't you dare dis an elf!" he then jumped Gimli and they started tumbling on the floor. Merry and Pippin sat down eating food that was falling from their mouths when they cheered on. Aragorn was trying to break up the fight. Sam and Frodo walked off. Frodo then said, "I cannot wait until tomorrow."

"Why is that?" asked Sam nibbling on lembas.

"Then maybe I can vote off the rest of the morons. Hey, maybe we should run off again instead !" said Frodo thoughtfully.

"Nah," said Sam putting his arm around Frodo. "I like the first idea better."

Frodo smiled.


	3. CH3: The fight

Ch3: The Fight

The next morning the remaining fellowship met back at the clump of trees and rocks that they had been meeting at the past two days. But to their horror Armosis didn't show up. They waited for hours on end. 

"That bitch!!!!! Two bit whore.....," roared Gimli.

"Now now, Gimli," sighed Legolas. "there is no need to get antsy."

"What do you mean? We have been sitting here with our thumbs up our butts and the slut has not shown up!" yelled Gimli as he jumped in front of Legolas, with his axe ready. Legolas being surprised took the closest weapon, this unfortunately was Sam's skillet and jumped up. "Great, maybe I can burn him with hot oil" thought Legolas sarcastically.

"She is not a whore, bitch, or slut," said Arargorn stepping between Gimli and Legolas, trying to stop the skirmish. "And I thought you two were now friends."

"Only to keep that Tolkinie guy happy!" yelled Gimli kicking Aragorn in the knees, which made him fall down.

"DON'T YOU DARE MAKE FUN OF TOLKEIN!!!!!!! IT'S THE ONLY REASON WE EXIST YOU BUTT!!!!!!" screamed Legolas and he started bashing Gimli on the head with the skillet. "Hey, this piece of crap works!"

"Not the skillet!" moaned Sam. Frodo patted his shoulder for comfort. 

"Bash him again!" Merry and Pippin shouted repeatedly, as they shook their fists. Aragorn gave up and sat down next to Sam to try to calm him. Frodo was failing miserably by himself to calm down Sam. He was offended that his weapon was called a piece of crap.

Finally after a lot of girlish bashing, Gimli passed out on the ground. "MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" cried Legolas triumphantly. Then he started doing the Macarena( and horribly, if anybody wants to know. Who would?). Merry and Pippin shrieked and ran off.

Sam walked over slowly and picked up his skillet. There was a gigantic dent in the middle of it and the handle was twisted. "It...was....my favorite!" sniffled Sam.

"That was cruel," said Frodo to Legolas. 

"But he was going to be voted off anyway," pouted Legolas, drawing circles in the dirt with his foot. "I'm sawry."

"Tell that to Sam," commanded Frodo pointed over at Sam who was kneeling on the ground and beating himself in the head with the skillet.

"Sorry, Sam!" cried Legolas running over and picking him up off the ground. "It was wonderful though. I will buy you a skillet once we get off this hellish show."

"Okay," said Sam cheerily. Frodo and Aragorn glanced at each other with dismay.

"Where's Gimli's body?" asked Aragorn, when he looked away.

"Hopefully the spiders' got him," giggled Sam.

"Probably the film crew or somebody," said Frodo glancing around. "At least we don't have to vote anybody off today. We just kind of killed him."

"Oh well, he was getting too big for his britches," said Legolas.

"Let's go and try to find Merry and Pippin. I do not trust them out here," said Aragorn as he walked off into the direction that Merry and Pippin had fled to. Suddenly there was a thundering sound.

Hey readers.. I need your help! Email me who you think should survive!

Pippin,

Legolas,

or

Frodo.

Email @: timberwlf101@aol.com


	4. Frodo Gets Forest Fever

Ch 4: Frodo Gets Forest Fever

I was the cave troll chasing Merry and Pippin.

"I thought I killed him!" exclaimed Legolas as he drew up his bow. "I only shot him a million times and jumped on his head like a diseased monkey!"

"There is no need to panic. Maybe if we sooth him, he will calm down. He's just a poor misguided troll," said Frodo, walking up to the troll. The troll was bellowing.

"Um... Mr. Frodo, sir. Sir!!!" yelled Sam. "Merry, Pippin do something besides running around in circles!"

"Huh?" they said together as they ran into each other. Merry got up, but Pippin didn't. "Well, I better see to him, toodles!" said Merry cheerily as he dragged Pippin's body into the trees.

"What is Frodo doing? Frodo, get your scrawny ass over here!" yelled Aragorn. Frodo was standing next to the troll, patting him on the foot.

"I think he has gone crazy, forest fever," sighed Sam shaking his head. "What a shame, and I thought he was to win."

Legolas shot a couple of arrows at the cave troll's head. "It's no bloody use!" he cried out in anguish. "We can't do anything, let's just hope he has a body in a couple of minutes."

"I'm going to go try to find that blasted Merry," said Aragorn and he walked off.

Legolas and Sam sat down on a log and watched Frodo and the cave troll. Now Frodo was being juggled in the air, looking like a rag doll. "Hey!" cried Frodo. "This is fun! Come join me!" The cave troll stopped juggling, but was bringing his hand back, with Frodo in it.

Sam and Legolas just shook their heads and closed their eyes. Suddenly there was a yelp as the troll threw Frodo into the dark forest. The troll then started jumping up and down clapping his hands, making the forest shake.

"Dude!" cried Legolas when he opened his eyes and then quickly shut them. "Get a pair of pants! Never jump around in a butt flap like that." The cave troll stopped, stuck his tongue out at them, and ran into the forest to find Frodo.

"You know you like it," teased Sam.

"Actually, no," said Legolas, standing up and stretching. "I saw how sad you looked when Frodo was having fun. It reminded you of the good old days before you got married."

"Shut up you two," said Aragorn, "I found them!" Aragorn came into view dragging Pippin and Merry by the ears. He then threw them down. "Where the Hell did you find that flipping thing? We killed it and now it's back."

"I guess it's kinda like Boromir," said Pippin meekly, rubbing his ear. "Merry found him."

"Is this true?" asked Aragorn, with his hands on his hips.

"Hey you look like Peter Pan!" cried Legolas.

"Who the hell is.. oh forget it! Merry explain yourself," snarled Aragorn.

"Well we went running off, cuz Legolas' dance scarred us. I ran into a cave. Then suddenly (Merry then jumped to his feet) there cam a big rarrarahoo or something like that. I thought it was Pippin, but I then remembered Pippin was not in the cave, see? So I turned around and there was that damn troll. He then started galloping at me and I ran out screaming and Pippin followed. And might I say you look mighty kinglyish when you stand like that!" explained Merry. Aragorn glared at him. Merry jumped to his knees and started kissing Aragorn's feet. "Oh please don't kill me!"

"Get off!" Aragorn said in a disgusted voice, kicking Merry.

Suddenly there was a bright flash of light. Armosis had come back. "Now now, there is no need for violence. I have been watching and know what has gone on."

"How?" asked Sam. "Do you have a palantir or something?"

"Something much more powerful," smiled Armosis. "Now since Frodo is gone, you only get to vote one being off. You know the drill." 

Armosis walked over to a boulder and sat on it with he legs crossed. "Pippin!"

"Merry, he got me in trouble. That terd ball," said Pippin.

"Aragorn!" cried Armosis.

"Merry, he's going to kill us," said Aragorn.

"Legolas!" cried Armosis.

"Aragorn, he is making me look bad," said Legolas. "He is stealing my brush and rubbing it in poo."

"Merry!" said the startled Armosis.

"Pippin, he screws everything up and then blames it on me!" said Merry.

"Sam!" hollered Armosis.

"Myself. I miss the wife. I miss my thirteen kids. And it doesn't feel right without Mr. Frodo," moaned Sam.

Armosis stood up on the boulder. She cried, "The results are in! Merry, get over here, you are voted out of Mirkwood Forest."

Everyone was happy but Legolas and Sam. Legolas was tired of having crap in his hair and Sam wanted to go home(which I can't blame him. Imagine being there with all of _them_.)

"Oh well!" cried Merry cheerily. "I get to go home and eat carrot stew!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" cried Pippin trying to run, but Legolas grabbed him by the collar. "I want carrot stew. Wahhhhhhh!!"

"Oh shut up!" cried Armosis. "Your meals are by the tree over there. I promise I'll be here in the morning."

"You better," mumbled Aragorn as Armosis left with Merry. "I need to have a plan, an evil plan. Mwahahaha!!"

Legolas, Pippin, and Sam looked at him with fear.

"Hm, sorry. Let's got eat!" he said cheerily. The others followed cautiously behind.


	5. Pippin Comes Through

CH5: Pippin Comes Through

Legolas, Sam, Aragorn, and Pippin returned the next morning to the boulder that they had left Armosis yesterday. To their relief, she was there this time.

"Good morning!" she cried cheerily as she slipped off the boulder. The others glared at her. "Well, now that I see you are bright and cheery this morning, let's begin the task."

"No!" cried Aragorn. He pulled out his sword and stuck it to her throat. "I am sick of all of this task shit! I am tired of sleeping on rocks, I have spent half my life doing so. I miss Arwen...."

"Aweeeeeeeee," went Sam, Pippin and Legolas together blowing kisses.

"Shut up! As I was saying, I hate you. I am tired of those idiots," he resumed.

"Hey that's Mr. Idiot to you!" cried Pippin and he threw a rock at Aragorn's head, but missed by three feet.

"Aragorn, leave Armosis alone," said Legolas, walking slowly towards them. "It's not her fault we are here."

Aragorn glared at him, then glared at Armosis, then pulled the sword away from her throat and sheathed it.

"Actually it is, I'm guilty," sighed Armosis with tears in her eyes.

"What's wrong?" asked Sam.

"I'm the reason you are hear," she whined. "I... I oh how should I put this? I like one of you."

"Gasp, the bitch has emotions," yelled Aragorn. He was sick of this, it was like that bad memory of when he first met Arwen, when she was a stuck up snob(has that changed?).

"Hey, you leave her alone! I never liked you the first time I bet you in Bree and I now I hate you even more!" yelled Sam. Pippin nodded his head and pulled out his carrot. "Don't make me use this!"

Aragorn busted out laughing, he was actually crying he was laughing so hard. This made Pippin even madder. Legolas got a clue and moved Armosis out of the way. Pippin then bellowed, "You have always made me look like an ass! Even for my wedding gift you sent dung! Dung I tell you. And now you have harmed the pretty elven lady. You sick, twisted sloth snot! You asked for it! Doxzantooowererrreeeeeeeeeee!'

A little ball of fire shot out of the carrot. It hit Aragorn's head and set his head on fire. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! My beautiful hair!!!!!!!!!!!!" he screamed and ran off.

"Whoa, Pip, where did you get that thing?" asked Sam.

"Legolas. He has connections," boasted Pippin.

"Oh yeah, whatever. Thank God he's gone. Maybe now he'll go and cut his greasy hair. Now not trying to sound gay or anything, which you all claim. I am glad my hair will not smell like poo anymore," said Legolas.

"You are so wonderful!" cooed Armosis. 

Pippin thought she was talking to him, "Sorry ma'am but I... Oh corn squash, get an inn room!"

Armosis had grabbed Legolas and started making out with him.

"I haven't seen stuff like that since my honeymoon," observed Sam.

"Oh stop looking! It's disgusting. Hey Armosis, could you stop for a minute!" cried Pippin.

"Yes!" said Armosis breathlessly. Legolas was awe struck, tugging on her shoulder.

"Do we vote someone off?" asked Pippin.

"I VOTE MYSELF OFF!" cried Legolas, grabbing Armosis' hand and running off.

"Well, I wish I was gone, but at least we don't have to hear him complain about not being with Armosis," said Sam.

"I can't believe we are the two left," said Pippin shaking his head. "It's scary. Anyway I am going to assume two things. One, we are going to have to fish for food. Two, we are to meet back here tomorrow morning."

"But what are we going to do tonight?" asked Sam.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" asked Pippin.

"That Armosis is going to become Mrs. Greenleaf and there are going to be little Legolas'?" asked Sam.

"I was trying _not _to think of that. No, Sam we are going to take over Mirkwood Forest!" cried Pippin.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Okay, now to steal part of a theme song:

_They're Sam, Sam, and the Pippin, Pippin, Pippin, Pippin, (etc.)_

D'oh!


	6. The End... Finally

Ch6: It's Finally Over

"Great, where's Armosis?" whined Sam as he and Pippin walked back to the boulder.

"I actually do not want to know," said Pippin. "Look! There she blows!"

Armosis came in yawning. She sat there on the rock.

"You look like Saruman clawed you, then slapped you, then clawed you again...." began Sam.

"We get the point," Pippin said in a demanding tone. "What do we have to do to get this agitating crap in the past?"

"Well," said Armosis stretching, "It is pretty simple."

"How simple? Every time you say that we usually get the tar beaten out of us," said Sam. Armosis smiled. "And quit smiling at me!"

"Well," she laughed, " it's a food eating contest."

"Food?" asked Pippin dreamily. "What kind of food?"

"Sorry, no carrots (his face fell). It is a pie," she said.

"Like blueberry or apple?" asked Sam hopefully, expecting the worst.

"No Frodo pie," she said seriously. Sam and Pippin had looks of terror. "Haha! Just kidding! I can't believe you believed me."

"Well with all of the other crazy stoof happening, how could we not?" asked Sam.

"You have to eat, this is gross, Gollum pie," she said. "And this time I am telling the truth."

"EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!" cried Sam in disgust. "Not him! I had to spend weeks with him, and the entire time he tried to eat me and Frodo."

"Who in a spiny toad's body lotion would write such a plot?" asked Pippin.

"Hate to break it to you, but that made absolutely no sense," said Sam.

"Come on, the faster you get it over with the better," said Armosis jumping from the rock. "follow me."

They followed Armosis through a couple of trees. To their surprise and horror, everybody from Lord of the Rings Trilogy was there.

"Why the bloody Hell are all of y'all here?" asked Pippin in horror. Even his whole family was there. (Author's note: Remember every single character? Probably not, and since it would just be dumb to give each and everyone of them a line, just imagine for a second. All hobbits, elves, orcs, Urk-Hai, dwarves, and other creatures and their family, friends, and others where there, including the rest of the fellowship, except Aragorn. Arwen was missing, too. Oh, and Sauron turned down the invitation)

"What are all of you doing here?" asked Sam meekly, waving to his family.

"We hat Gollum!" cried Galadriel and Celeborn.

"He sucks!" yelled Elrond.

"Here here!" hollered Bilbo. Everybody cheered.

"Legolas! Bring out the pies!" cried Armosis. Legolas came out, also looking like crap, with the pies. They were are dark, muddy brown color. The greenish blue filling was oozing out and there was a horrid smell.

"Oh dear," went Sam, as the pies were sat down in front of them.

"Ready, get set, go!" cried Armosis.

Pippin and Sam sat there, staring at the pies. Suddenly, Sam turned green and passed out. Butterbur and Bill the pony came over and dragged him out of the way.

"Does that mean I win?" asked Pippin hopefully.

"No! Mwaha! You at least need to take one bite of the pie!" hollered Boromir and Merry.

Pippin gulped and looked down at the pie. He took his fork and took a piece of the crust off. He slowly put it in his mouth. He swallowed without even chewing.

"That's not fair!" cried Lurtz.

"Actually, according to the rules it is," said Saruman, he and Gandalf where the judges.

"Yes," said Gandalf, "all the contestant has to do is take a bite. Not necessarily a bite of the filling."

"I won?" asked Pippin in a daze.

"Yes," said Armosis, with yet another smile.

"Whooooohooooooooooo!" yelled Pippin as he jumped up. Then he started doing NSYNC dance movements.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!" screamed everybody and ran off. All accept the other Took's who just shook their heads and the fellowship.

" Yes! No more of this crap. Eh wench?" asked Gimli.

"Hey, that's my girl you are talkin' about!" snarled Legolas.

"Actually, no," said Armosis, reaching for Legolas' hand.

"No! What do you mean no?!" exclaimed Boromir. Frodo passed out.

"Well, you have been selected to be placed on Temptation Island, the Fellowship version," she said dragging Legolas off with her. "Bye! See yah there!"

"Nooooooo! They can't do this to us!" groaned Merry. "We are just fictional characters who are incapable of thinking for ourselves! We can't even go pee without the author writing that we are going pee!"


End file.
